everybodys-bitch

Hello,

“Why are you quiet?”

“Why are you sad?”

“You’re overreacting…there’s no need to be emotional…did you have to do that?”

This is just the wrong time. Forgive me if an answer to any of these questions sound rude…I’m sorry. I’m generally a nice person. I swear.

I don’t know how I’m going to introduce this bitch without shame.  I have been shamed a lot of times because of her presence in my life and now it feels like I’m immunized against it. She is real.

She is as real as the creation story but doesn’t need seven days to complete her task; a relationship with you forever if you let her. I’m not the only one fucking this whore; at least I know more than two friends who are also fucking this bitch and we’re all OK with it…NO! Not OK with her in our lives but we’re not about to start another world war because we’re all fucking the same bitch.

Whenever she comes to sleep over, I wake up in the morning so pissed off to no apparent reason. She leaves me with so much pride making me push everyone that loves me as far from me as humanly possible because I feel everyone around hates me and I need to greet everyone with hatred for fear of being seen through as weak.

She loves us taking a shower together…taking shower in total darkness to avoid seeing my reflection in the mirror because I don’t even know who I’ve become; a total stranger and almost a monster. The more I try to understand me, the less I get to know who I am. As I walk to work or school with thoughts of her, I feel like I’m walking in a quicksand and the more I try to get her off my mind, the stronger the force of gravity and I keep sinking deeper in the quicksand.

I get to class or the office in a room full of people but I feel lonely pretending everything is alright whiles I make all the funny jokes to make everyone but me happy knowing that I could explode out of emotions and pains…usually emotions I can’t explain. I often visit the washroom because I want to be alone and talk to no one but she still creeps beneath my skin giving me ideas of divorce and still reminding me of what society thinks of divorce.

I didn’t want to put out our problems to the public because of where we met and what I do whenever she’s around. We made vows to keep this relationship a secret and I wasn’t going to be the bitch to break this, and even if I did, society’s eyebrows would raise beyond foreheads at me…but I’m sorry this relationship has to end.

I QUIT.  Whenever she was around me, she takes so much energy off me, physical energy to survive and a mental task of wanting to say goodbye; goodbye not to her but to the entire world that will call me emotional, vulnerable, bitch and are quick to point out all I do when this bitch is around me, taking no time to understand exactly what this bitch has made me. It is more than just feeling guilty for exactly what I do not know, feeling hopeless and being very aggressive.

I’m a man. “Men don’t cry”. It’s seen as a sign of weakness so I can’t admit I have a relationship with her; not even to myself. She’s a sign of vulnerability so all I do is try to get rid of her with drugs and alcohol but they only work till as long as I feel them in my system, when they’re gone, she shows up with an evil grin and I can’t deny the influence she has over me. And sometimes i log on to social media to make people feel bad to feel good about myself but immediately i log out, reality hits me; she’s still around.

When she gets angry and possessive, I feel like a thousand pounds of weight holding my body down in a pool of water, barley reaching my chin and no matter how my neck hurts, I still have to struggle to keep my head above to survive. I feel so much pain with tears in my eyes, tears that will never come down my cheek for fear of adding up tears to the pool of water to eventually drawn me.

She’s made more men commit suicide than have an orgasm. She’s my bitch, she’s your bitch, and she’s Everybody’s Bitch. Her name is DEPRESSION!

@JoewackleGh

This article was inspired by Rage Almighty.

Advertisements